By Katheen Hanna
I don’t have any fun memories to tell you right now
Because I don’t have any fun memories that I’m just going to sit here and talk
This makes me dramatic and intense and I only do it for the shock value and all
of that shit.
I didn’t have a fuzzy playful childhood off of TV movie or an after school
And if you want something like that or thats how your childhood was then you
may as well just go get validated off of TV because thats not what I’m here
So anyways I’m not sorry for anything
And Im just going to tell you that the truth ain’t pretty like a pretty little
girl like me.
No it ain’t pretty like a pretty little girl like me.
So I saw Lydia Lunch last year and I felt really validated by what she was
And I was in the audience and I thought “God, fuck here is this woman who
is doing all this cool shit.”
Then I hear this guy say to this other guy
“She’d be nothing without him, shes got a piece of him inside of her.
The real rockstar lives on.
“Incest is best” he says into the microphone.
Big black hair hung over his left eye
Like a pouty little girl child
A sexy skinny little girl man child he is.
Inspired by nothing but air.
A stale defeat sound
A muffled daddy voice inside of him.
You can do better boy.
You can do a little harder, a little faster, a little deeper
Dig it in; dig it in a little harder faster now, harder faster now, harder
“Incest is best, put your sister to the test”
He says into the microphone
Im in the audience
Im the sore thumbed girl in the big boy buddy butt licker scene
I wanna scream so fucking bad
“I hate him”
I wanna scream but I know if I do the boy next to me will say
“Aww come on he wasnt meanin no harm. You take things much too
One hand backwards gripping bloody bed post
Smooth white and gold little girly bed post
Dick me, Dick me
Road runner sheets beneath me stained with his cum
Road runner chased endlessly beneath me
Flat and bright my slobber runs.
Hand gripped tight blue
Not my baby no.
Not my baby angel little girl never,
Hold on for you life girl.
Hold on for your dreams angel.
Hold on just a little bit longer,
I will love your forever and ever girl.
Dig me, dig me hard.
My pussy dry like coughed up chalk
An open wounded salt lick opened by you.
My pussy dry like coughed up chalk
An open wounded salt lick opened by you
My fairy godmother is my moms hand on the door knob.
He turns to him and says:
“She only does it for the shock value.”
So when Im angry I cry instead of screaming
Because no one likes a girl with a red face.
And I had this poster in my bedroom…
When I was a little younger I got this poster
Of a beautiful and perfect teenage girl
Whose got this big diamond shaped tear caught in the corner of her eye.
And I just wanted to be beautiful and large and loved and missed and sad just
So we get home from the rock concert
and my boyfriend wants to know why Im upset.
“Please dont ask me why Im crying.
You wouldnt understand” I say to him
He keeps pushing me
He promises me he’ll always love me, he can help me, I should get it off my
“Look babe I really love you.
I fucking care about you.
If you cant tell me who can you tell?
Youre really upset and I can tell and it really concerns me.
You know I am here for you.”
“Ok Im crying, ummm,
cause my brother sometimes used to come into my room at night and fuck me.
And my mom acted like nothing was happening
And I know she knew.
I know she fucking knew
But its like she didnt do anything about it,
It just makes me feel really angry
And when I get angry I cry
And It makes me pissed off
And I just feel like
How the fuck could she love me and let that happen.”
You start throwing up all over the floor
You beg me to continue without omitting a single detail.
Then you cover your ears with your hands and scream
“Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!”
Your vomit makes a little river thats heading straight for your acoustic guitar
over in the corner
I run to the bathroom to get a towel.
When I return, Im all on the floor like mopping up your vomit
And I look up at you and you say
Well you tell me that you know,
that I wasnt really crying for the reason that I said.
Because people just dont cry
People just dont cry when they are angry.
Therefore…youre just as cute as a button when you cry.
You are a mass of contradictions;
you are a complicated and mysterious woman.
You dont answer my question.
You sit down; you pick up your guitar
You remind me Im ultimately mysterious
And you sit down to write a song about it.
these grrrls with these big, loud, radical voices are so fucking cool.