TW: eating disorders, body image issues

Yesterday, at the pain clinic, they weighed me. It was the first time I had weighed myself in probably close to a year. I didn’t look when it was happening, but after my partner asked me if I wanted to know my weight, and after thinking about it, I said yes. Turns out I’m at my lowest weight since i was heavily active in my eating disorder.

It’s different this time though. Im living a lifestyle that is pretty healthy, excersizing regularly, eating healthy (and regularly!).

This time, I don’t feel like a sick skeleton, wasting away to hurt myself because i thought I deserved it. I’m slowly learning to love myself and my body for its ever-changing ways. I’m learning to focus not on the [physical and emotional] pain, instead appreciating my body for the positive things it does for me.

It’s an ever-lasting battle, it seems, but I’m more committed than ever to my recovery. Intitially I felt pretty triggered, but Fuck it. I’m gonna rock my insecurities and beat the shit out of them. Today, I wore my shortest jean shorts, my stud belt, a grey crop top, and my combat boots. I’m ready.